The Gambler

Now Will was quite a gambler
And he like to wheel and deal.
He'd bet on anything that moved
From your bowels to roulette wheels.

He'd bet on all the ballgames
And he'd wager on the races.
And he could tell if you were bluffin'
Or if you were holdin' aces.

Well one day he met a pilot
Who said, "He'd like to make a bet"
And he said, "I'd better warn ya
Cuz I haven't lost on yet."

He said, "I'll bet a hundred dollars
I can take ya in my plane
And won't be up very long
Before you will complain."

Now Will he never was one
To back down from a dare.
So he said, "I'll go and get my wife
And you can take us both up there."

Well Will and his wife climbed in the plane
And they buckled down inside
And then the pilot turned the key
And they started on their ride.

They reached the wild blue yonder
And they raced across the sky.
And then the pilot did some stunts
To try to make Will cry.

He did some fancy loopdy loops
And then did a tail stand.
And then he killed the engine
And they fell back down towards land.

Then he did a bunch of other
Death defying tricks.
Things that would have made
Most common men get sick.

But will sat like he was born there
And he never made a peep.
In fact the pilot kinda thought
Ol' Will had gone to sleep.

Well soon the ride was over
And they landed on the ground.
And still the pilot was amazed
That Will had never made a sound

Well he asked him how he did it
As he handed him his win.
And as Will picked up the hundred
On his face there was a grin.

He said, "you know that I'm a gambler
And I've hardly ever lost
In fact the code I love by
Is to win at any cost."

"But today I almost lost one
Cuz I almost gave a shout.
When we made that last big barrel roll
And I saw my wife fall out!"

A Buckaroo's Christmas

The light from the fire
Was flickering low
As the cowboy came in
To get out of the snow.

He thew on some wood
To build up the fire
Then sat down to get warm
With a cup of hot cider.

Twas the night before Christmas
And he was there all alone.
Out in a line camp
There's not even a phone.

And his partner had gone
To pick up a stray.
And left him alone
To spend Christmas Day.

He sipped on his cider
And slept for a while.
And dreamed of the Christmases
He'd spent as a child.

He thought of his family
Trimming the tree.
And the times he'd sat
Upon Santa's knee.

Now ol' Santa's a fake
He'd known all along
He's just part of Christmas
That they sing 'bout in songs.

He thought of the fun
That his family had had.
As they opened up presents
From their mom and dad.

And he dreamed of the dinner,
His mom set quite a spread
There was turkey and stuffing
And hot homemade bread.

He dreamed on and on
Of Christmases past
Of sleigh bells and carols
But sleep didn't last.

All of a sudden
He awoke with a start.
The horses were restless
His dog started to bark.

He raced out the door
And threw on his coat.
And out in the barn
He found hanging a note.

It said, "the reindeer were hungry
So I fed 'em say hay."
It was signed by St. Nicholas
"Have a nice Christmas Day."

This must be a joke
So he looked all around
But try as he might
No one could be found.

Then as he walked to his cabin
He looked up to see
What he thought was a reindeer
But no, couldn't be.

Cuz he thought to himself
This is all just a dream.
And Santa's not real
Santa's just a big scheme.

Then he headed on in
To go back to sleep
But when he opened the door,
He started to weep.

Cuz there on the table,
Fit for a king
Was a turkey and trimmings
And all sorts of good things

And over there in the corner
Stood a big Christmas tree
So lit up with lights
That the whole world could see.

And there underneath
It's branches so low
Was a brightly wrapped present
All done up with a bow.

He opened the gift.
Read the card that it had.
It said, "To our son,"
Love, Mom and Dad

As he sat there he heard
In a voice loud and clear,
"Merry Christmas to all
We'll see ya next year."

Now some people say
That Santa's not true.
But he'll always be special
To that lone buckaroo.

Aftertaste

I was pullin' down wages at the ol' CN
When the boss took a ride into town.
He went to hire a roundup cook
And he came back haulin' this clown.

He looked like a reject from Julia Child's
School for chuck wagon cooks.
He had learned his trade through
A mail order class and from studyin' some books.

The boss said, Boys this man can cook
So cut the guy some slack.
This is his first roundup job
It's just experience that he lacks.

The first night out for supper
Each man feared for his life.
Cause the soup he dished out on our plate
You had to cut it with your knife.

And the coffee looked like an oil spill.
With a film that was thick and greasy.
And the only good thing I can say
Is it slid down mighty easy.

For breakfast the next morning
We were ready for a feast.
But the biscuit that he cooked us up
Were heavy to say the least.

His flapjacks tasted like rubber.
And now boy's don't think I'm braggin'
But he kept 'em around and used them
As tires on the ol' chuck wagon.

Each afternoon he'd cook us beans.
We'd eat em on the go.
And all day long while workin' cows
We'd grad for our horn and blow.

At night he'd cook us up some things
That were beyond belief.
One time he cooked us T-bones
But we don't think they were beef.

One by one us boys got sick
And we all had to quit the drive.
But we've got a lot to be thankful for
Cuz we made it out alive.

But that cook's still workin' on that ranch.
Though the cowboys come and go.
Some go out on stretchers
And some come out walkin' slow.

But one think 'bout his cookin'.
It never left an aftertaste.
So boys if it's taste your after.
Don't go near his place.

Satisfied

The old cowboy lay dying
Out on the grassy knoll.
A rank ol colt had piled him up
And the years had taken their toll.

His face was weathered and wrinkled.
Carved out by wind and rain.
But in his hollowed eyes there was wisdom
That comes from knowin' the pain.

His hands were large and calloused.
Made strong from sweat and toil.
But they also had a gentleness
From workin' close to the soil.

As the old man laid there dyin'
He thought about his life.
About the things that he had seen
And he thought about his wife.

A sweeter gal you'd never know.
But she had passed on years before.
And now he knew the time was near
When he's be with her once more.

He thought of places he'd been
And people he had know.
About the old friends long since gone
Who were comin to take him home.

He remembered all the horses.
The bad ones that he'd rode.
And reminisced about his younger days
And the wild oats he'd sowed.

He thought of all the things he'd done
And the mistakes that he had made.
About the time that he'd got caught
And the price that he had paid.

But he always thought he was privileged
To have worked with God's creations.
The horses, the cows, the grass stirrup high
There's no nobler occupation.

And this cowboy felt kinda lucky
To be passin' on this way.
Out here in the open, with the wind blowin' free
Where it's peaceful and quiet all day.

He had lived his life to it's fullest.
And done what he wanted to do.
He had lived out his life as a cowboy.
A dream that for him had come true.

With one final sigh and no regrets
The old grey cowboy died.
But there was a smile upon his face
Cause he passed on satisfied.

Dog's Dilemma

Winter's hard on animals
Why, just the other day
I went outside to check the cows
And feed em all some hay.

I give my dog a whistle
Cause he was not around.
I searched the barn and woodshed
But he could not be found.

Well I finally heard him yelping.
And I thought he might be stuck.
Well I found him with his leg in the air
Froze to the tire of my truck.

The Shopping Trip

A cowboy took his wife to town
To do a little shoppin'.
They went from store to store to store
She really kept him hoppin'.

He complained all day about what they did
And he made some snide remarks.
He didn't like the place they ate
Or the corner where they parked.

He said, she spent too much on groceries
Bought clothes that didn't fit.
He said they must have seen her comin'
With store owners she's a hit.

Well she'd finally had it up to here
And she said so to his face.
She said he better watch his mouth
And she put him in his place.

Well they headed home that evening
And it was a long 'ol ride
They both sat there in silence
And he nursed his wounded pride.

He finally saw a farmer
Who was workin' with a mule.
Now mules are kinda stubborn,
Least that's the general rule.

He'd hitched him to a wagon
The mule sat down in the road.
The farmer pulled and cussed and yelled,
But he wouldn't move the load.

Well the cowboy started grinnin'.
He just couldn't let it go.
He said, "My dear there's somethin'
I would really like to know."

Is that a relative of yours
That's hitched there to that carriage?"
She looked and said, "I think it is,
It's a relative by marriage!"

Hard and Fast

Harold was a man who tied hard and fast.
For him there was no other way.
To dally up short was just no kind of sport.
But all of that changed one day.

He'd found a cow in the meadow
That was sick and needed a shot.
So he rode up quick, gave his horse a good lick,
Went to rope her right here on the spot.

But his horse hit some grass and slid to the ground.
Like he'd stepped on a bar of soap.
Off Harold flew and his foot went clean through
The loop in the end of his rope.

Well the horse was nervous and prancin'
And as Harold looked up where he lay
He hollered whoa at the horse, which spooked him of course
And home was a mile away.

That horse stretched out, was coverin' the ground
With Harold along for the ride.
On every rock they'd bump and sagebrush they'd jump
He left hangin' some of his hide.

He pulled out his knife to cut himself free
Cause things were getting intense.
Cut it wasn't his day and he had to roll away
Just barely missin' the fence.

His wife heard then noise and came on the run
To see just what she could find.
But what caught her eye, was a horse flyin' by
And her husband a bouncin' behind.

Harold was sore for a couple of weeks.
He was bruised as well as his ego.
But now we all know that he never will go
And tie hard and fast his ol sego.

Now most ropers have some kind of mark
That show that they're men of the twine,
A double rigged saddle that's ready for battle
Or a horn that's easy to find.

Some dally ropers are minus a thumb
And one of two fingers are missin'.
But with that hitch in is stride that he can't seem to hide
We know now how Harold got hisn'.