Last Respects

We'd gone to a viewing to pay our respects
To a man who'd just passed away.
Times like this are tough on us all
And it's hard to find words to say.

We thought of the things a man leaves behind
When he passes from out of this life.
Things that are really special
Like family and friends and a wife.

We thought of the names that we had made.
And the legacy's we'd leave behind.
Would folks have fond memories of us
And would the things that they say be kind.

As we stood in line and waited
To meet with the family and such.
I looked at my wife, a tear crossed her cheek,
And I knew that she had been touched.

"Now if you should die before I do."
She said in a voice sweet and soft.
"Honey, what will I do with that hair on your face,
Do I was it or shave it all off!"

The Old Red Cow

Now Brent had this old red cow
She was wild, and ornery and mean.
With her head held high and her tail in the air
She was the ringiest cow you'd ever seen.

She hadn't had a calf that spring
And hadn't caught the year before.
So Brent thought he'd keep her round the house
To fatten her up some more.

Now when Brent would go out to the ranch
H'ed asked Jeff to drop on by
To see how things were doing
And see what that cow would try.

Well one day Jeff was ridin' by
And sure enough that cow  was out.
And the story of her capture
Is what this poem's about.

Well he circled around to drive her in
And she took off on the run
And Jeff muttered to himself
This is not my kind of fun.

Cuz he was mounted on a colt
That had just been rode a couple days.
And he didn't have much handle
And wasn't wise to cattle ways.

He chased that cow around the yard
Then she headed down the street
And Jeff was gettin' kind a mad
And he called her names I won't repeat.

Then she started jumpin' fences
And when she began tot ire.
She just ran right through 'em
You could hear her stretchin' wire.

Jeff went and caught a well-broke horse
And took off on a lope.
Then jerked down his twine and built him a loop
In the end of his fifty-foot rope.

Well, he chased that cow for 'bout a mile
Before he finally got her caught.
And they were all about give out
At least that's what he thought.

But that cow still had lots of fight
And she was gettin' hot.
She'd stand and hang back on the rope
He couldn't budge her from that spot.

There was a corral right close at hand
And he thought if he could get her there.
He wouldn't have to driver her home.
He'd just go and get the trailer

About that time some neighbors came
To lend a helping hand.
Jeff told them was they ad to do
And where they had to stand.

Now one of these neighbors name was Steve
A real good kind of guy.
And no matter what the problem was
He'd always drop on by.

Well they stood around to haze her
And to drive her in the pen.
And according to the story
This is when the fun begins.

See, Jeff wanted to shorten up his rope
To get the upper hand.
So he slowly sipped his dallies
And hoped to heck she'd stand.

Then someone hit her crossed the nose
And she came right up the rope.
Jeff was trying to coil it up
But there just weren't no hope.

She came at Steve, he held his ground.
But that cow just kept on comin'
And just about the time they met
He turned and started runnin'.

Steve headed straight for the pen
And that cow was right behind.
And visions of impending death
Flashed acrossed his mind.

He was runnin' as fast as he could
That cow was breathing down his neck.
And it's a good thing he didn't trip
Or there would have been a wreck.

He reached the fence and grabbed a pole
And pulled himself to safety.
Then looked at the cow and thought to himself
Just how luck could he be.

Cuz there stood the cow just inches away
Tossin' her head blowin' snot.
And Jeff had run plumb out of rope
In his hand he held the knot.

Well they shut the gate and she was caught.
And it happened just that way.
Then they went and got a trailer
And hauled her home to stay.

But Steve he kinda likes to brag
About what a hand he made.
There was really nothin' to it
And he was never afraid.

But the things he likes to tell his friends
Leaves his wife in quite a quandary.
Cuz she knows how scared he really was...
She's the one that did his laundry!

The Gambler

Now Will was quite a gambler
And he like to wheel and deal.
He'd bet on anything that moved
From your bowels to roulette wheels.

He'd bet on all the ballgames
And he'd wager on the races.
And he could tell if you were bluffin'
Or if you were holdin' aces.

Well one day he met a pilot
Who said, "He'd like to make a bet"
And he said, "I'd better warn ya
Cuz I haven't lost on yet."

He said, "I'll bet a hundred dollars
I can take ya in my plane
And won't be up very long
Before you will complain."

Now Will he never was one
To back down from a dare.
So he said, "I'll go and get my wife
And you can take us both up there."

Well Will and his wife climbed in the plane
And they buckled down inside
And then the pilot turned the key
And they started on their ride.

They reached the wild blue yonder
And they raced across the sky.
And then the pilot did some stunts
To try to make Will cry.

He did some fancy loopdy loops
And then did a tail stand.
And then he killed the engine
And they fell back down towards land.

Then he did a bunch of other
Death defying tricks.
Things that would have made
Most common men get sick.

But will sat like he was born there
And he never made a peep.
In fact the pilot kinda thought
Ol' Will had gone to sleep.

Well soon the ride was over
And they landed on the ground.
And still the pilot was amazed
That Will had never made a sound

Well he asked him how he did it
As he handed him his win.
And as Will picked up the hundred
On his face there was a grin.

He said, "you know that I'm a gambler
And I've hardly ever lost
In fact the code I love by
Is to win at any cost."

"But today I almost lost one
Cuz I almost gave a shout.
When we made that last big barrel roll
And I saw my wife fall out!"

A Buckaroo's Christmas

The light from the fire
Was flickering low
As the cowboy came in
To get out of the snow.

He thew on some wood
To build up the fire
Then sat down to get warm
With a cup of hot cider.

Twas the night before Christmas
And he was there all alone.
Out in a line camp
There's not even a phone.

And his partner had gone
To pick up a stray.
And left him alone
To spend Christmas Day.

He sipped on his cider
And slept for a while.
And dreamed of the Christmases
He'd spent as a child.

He thought of his family
Trimming the tree.
And the times he'd sat
Upon Santa's knee.

Now ol' Santa's a fake
He'd known all along
He's just part of Christmas
That they sing 'bout in songs.

He thought of the fun
That his family had had.
As they opened up presents
From their mom and dad.

And he dreamed of the dinner,
His mom set quite a spread
There was turkey and stuffing
And hot homemade bread.

He dreamed on and on
Of Christmases past
Of sleigh bells and carols
But sleep didn't last.

All of a sudden
He awoke with a start.
The horses were restless
His dog started to bark.

He raced out the door
And threw on his coat.
And out in the barn
He found hanging a note.

It said, "the reindeer were hungry
So I fed 'em say hay."
It was signed by St. Nicholas
"Have a nice Christmas Day."

This must be a joke
So he looked all around
But try as he might
No one could be found.

Then as he walked to his cabin
He looked up to see
What he thought was a reindeer
But no, couldn't be.

Cuz he thought to himself
This is all just a dream.
And Santa's not real
Santa's just a big scheme.

Then he headed on in
To go back to sleep
But when he opened the door,
He started to weep.

Cuz there on the table,
Fit for a king
Was a turkey and trimmings
And all sorts of good things

And over there in the corner
Stood a big Christmas tree
So lit up with lights
That the whole world could see.

And there underneath
It's branches so low
Was a brightly wrapped present
All done up with a bow.

He opened the gift.
Read the card that it had.
It said, "To our son,"
Love, Mom and Dad

As he sat there he heard
In a voice loud and clear,
"Merry Christmas to all
We'll see ya next year."

Now some people say
That Santa's not true.
But he'll always be special
To that lone buckaroo.

Aftertaste

I was pullin' down wages at the ol' CN
When the boss took a ride into town.
He went to hire a roundup cook
And he came back haulin' this clown.

He looked like a reject from Julia Child's
School for chuck wagon cooks.
He had learned his trade through
A mail order class and from studyin' some books.

The boss said, Boys this man can cook
So cut the guy some slack.
This is his first roundup job
It's just experience that he lacks.

The first night out for supper
Each man feared for his life.
Cause the soup he dished out on our plate
You had to cut it with your knife.

And the coffee looked like an oil spill.
With a film that was thick and greasy.
And the only good thing I can say
Is it slid down mighty easy.

For breakfast the next morning
We were ready for a feast.
But the biscuit that he cooked us up
Were heavy to say the least.

His flapjacks tasted like rubber.
And now boy's don't think I'm braggin'
But he kept 'em around and used them
As tires on the ol' chuck wagon.

Each afternoon he'd cook us beans.
We'd eat em on the go.
And all day long while workin' cows
We'd grad for our horn and blow.

At night he'd cook us up some things
That were beyond belief.
One time he cooked us T-bones
But we don't think they were beef.

One by one us boys got sick
And we all had to quit the drive.
But we've got a lot to be thankful for
Cuz we made it out alive.

But that cook's still workin' on that ranch.
Though the cowboys come and go.
Some go out on stretchers
And some come out walkin' slow.

But one think 'bout his cookin'.
It never left an aftertaste.
So boys if it's taste your after.
Don't go near his place.

Satisfied

The old cowboy lay dying
Out on the grassy knoll.
A rank ol colt had piled him up
And the years had taken their toll.

His face was weathered and wrinkled.
Carved out by wind and rain.
But in his hollowed eyes there was wisdom
That comes from knowin' the pain.

His hands were large and calloused.
Made strong from sweat and toil.
But they also had a gentleness
From workin' close to the soil.

As the old man laid there dyin'
He thought about his life.
About the things that he had seen
And he thought about his wife.

A sweeter gal you'd never know.
But she had passed on years before.
And now he knew the time was near
When he's be with her once more.

He thought of places he'd been
And people he had know.
About the old friends long since gone
Who were comin to take him home.

He remembered all the horses.
The bad ones that he'd rode.
And reminisced about his younger days
And the wild oats he'd sowed.

He thought of all the things he'd done
And the mistakes that he had made.
About the time that he'd got caught
And the price that he had paid.

But he always thought he was privileged
To have worked with God's creations.
The horses, the cows, the grass stirrup high
There's no nobler occupation.

And this cowboy felt kinda lucky
To be passin' on this way.
Out here in the open, with the wind blowin' free
Where it's peaceful and quiet all day.

He had lived his life to it's fullest.
And done what he wanted to do.
He had lived out his life as a cowboy.
A dream that for him had come true.

With one final sigh and no regrets
The old grey cowboy died.
But there was a smile upon his face
Cause he passed on satisfied.

Dog's Dilemma

Winter's hard on animals
Why, just the other day
I went outside to check the cows
And feed em all some hay.

I give my dog a whistle
Cause he was not around.
I searched the barn and woodshed
But he could not be found.

Well I finally heard him yelping.
And I thought he might be stuck.
Well I found him with his leg in the air
Froze to the tire of my truck.

The Shopping Trip

A cowboy took his wife to town
To do a little shoppin'.
They went from store to store to store
She really kept him hoppin'.

He complained all day about what they did
And he made some snide remarks.
He didn't like the place they ate
Or the corner where they parked.

He said, she spent too much on groceries
Bought clothes that didn't fit.
He said they must have seen her comin'
With store owners she's a hit.

Well she'd finally had it up to here
And she said so to his face.
She said he better watch his mouth
And she put him in his place.

Well they headed home that evening
And it was a long 'ol ride
They both sat there in silence
And he nursed his wounded pride.

He finally saw a farmer
Who was workin' with a mule.
Now mules are kinda stubborn,
Least that's the general rule.

He'd hitched him to a wagon
The mule sat down in the road.
The farmer pulled and cussed and yelled,
But he wouldn't move the load.

Well the cowboy started grinnin'.
He just couldn't let it go.
He said, "My dear there's somethin'
I would really like to know."

Is that a relative of yours
That's hitched there to that carriage?"
She looked and said, "I think it is,
It's a relative by marriage!"

Hard and Fast

Harold was a man who tied hard and fast.
For him there was no other way.
To dally up short was just no kind of sport.
But all of that changed one day.

He'd found a cow in the meadow
That was sick and needed a shot.
So he rode up quick, gave his horse a good lick,
Went to rope her right here on the spot.

But his horse hit some grass and slid to the ground.
Like he'd stepped on a bar of soap.
Off Harold flew and his foot went clean through
The loop in the end of his rope.

Well the horse was nervous and prancin'
And as Harold looked up where he lay
He hollered whoa at the horse, which spooked him of course
And home was a mile away.

That horse stretched out, was coverin' the ground
With Harold along for the ride.
On every rock they'd bump and sagebrush they'd jump
He left hangin' some of his hide.

He pulled out his knife to cut himself free
Cause things were getting intense.
Cut it wasn't his day and he had to roll away
Just barely missin' the fence.

His wife heard then noise and came on the run
To see just what she could find.
But what caught her eye, was a horse flyin' by
And her husband a bouncin' behind.

Harold was sore for a couple of weeks.
He was bruised as well as his ego.
But now we all know that he never will go
And tie hard and fast his ol sego.

Now most ropers have some kind of mark
That show that they're men of the twine,
A double rigged saddle that's ready for battle
Or a horn that's easy to find.

Some dally ropers are minus a thumb
And one of two fingers are missin'.
But with that hitch in is stride that he can't seem to hide
We know now how Harold got hisn'.

Are you Really a Cowboy

Are you really a cowboy?
Well I thought he asked in jest.
Cause I try and be a cowboy
I'd done my level best.

With my high topped bots and Stetson hat
And fancy wild rag.
I answered back "why sure I am".
I kinda had to brag.

But I've thought about that question
ANd the wisdom it displayed.
Cause looks can be deceiving
And the truth ain't always played.

There's lots of folks in fancy boots
And cowboy hats these days.
They're part of what they like to call
The urban cowboy craze.

But to really be a cowboy,
It takes more that what you wear.
Cause things about a cowboy
That don't readily appear.

Are at ease with mother nature
Can you take what she will give?
Do you thank the God who gave you all
The chance you have to live?

Do you thank Him for the chance you have
To ride and work this land?
And do you thank Him for the cattle
The ones that wear your brand?

Do you take care of your cattle
'Fore you worry bout yourself?
Does you learnin' come from doin?
Not just some book up on some shelf.

Do you get a thrill just watchin'
A wobbly newborn calf?
As he tries to take those first few steps,
It's chance not many have.

Is there something 'bout a well broke horse
That fills your heart with pride.
When you go to workin' cattle
And your there just for the ride.

Are your horse and dog and catch rope
The best friends you've found yet?
And do you get a special feeling
While your watchin' a sunset?

Do you get a peaceful feeling
Lookin' up at starlit skies?
Do rain drops on the hard dry ground
Bring tear drops to your eyes?

Do you see the simple beauties
In this land that you call home?
And do you feel the same way 'bout her
No matter where you roam?

When you find someone in trouble
Do you lend a helpin' hand?
With no thought of public fanfare
And no recompense demand?

When You're ridin' on the open range
And no one else is there
But you feel like someones watchin'
Do you know that God is near?

Well these are just a few of the things
A man can't see.
That make a cowboy what he is
And what he'll always be.

And it don't matter what you're doin'
This spirit you can't tame.
There's folks that's workin' nine to five
But they're cowboys just the same.

But looks can be deceivin'
And sometimes it's not to clear.
As to if a man's a cowboy
By the clothes he's chose to wear.

Cuz there's lots of folks that's tryin' hard
To look and act the part
But to really be a cowboy
You've got to be one in your heart.

Man's Best Friend

A dog, it's been said, is man's best friend.
His faithful companion to the end.
But have you ever wondered just how it must seem
Through the eyes of a dog this popular theme?

He hollers at me, "Get in the truck",
But the tailgates up, what terrible luck.
I jump in the back and I scratch up the pain.
And he calls me that son of a no good saint.

We're goin' down the road at leas 60 per.
The fleas they're a flyin' right out of my fur.
I'm strainin' bugs through my clenched teeth,
And when we finally slow down it's an awful relief.

I go chase the cows and he hollers come back.
You dumb ol mutt now don't do that.
Then he tells me to sic 'em and round up his herd.
And wonders why I sit there like I don't hear a word.

He tells me to come, then he tells me to stay.
He can't seem to make up him mind either way.
He cusses and yells till I run away to hide.
And then we he needs me I'm clear out of sight.

So after lookin' at things through they eyes of a dog.
And the way man treats his faithful compad.
All things considered and the message we send,
I'm glad I'm not man's best friend!

Nibbles

My brother-in-law bought a horse.
A pretty sorrel mare.
Someone said, "She's gentle".
But she was wild as a hare.

The kids all called her Nibbles.
Cuz they thought it quite a sight.
To see their dad a jumpin'
When she's turn and try to bite.

He started into break her
Wen she was coming three.
But he never had no notion
What a hard job it would be.

See, there was just something about her.
She had this wild side
And ya couldn't gain her confidence
No matter what ya tried.

Just when things were goin' good.
She'd throw some kind of fit.
Like layin' down when ya tied her up
Or balkin' at the bit.

She reared over on my brother
Acting like a crazy fool.
Try to pick her feed up
She'd kick like an army mule.

One day we snubbed her to a horse
To break that mare to ride.
But when he stepped upon her
She went over on her side.

And when that danged ol mare went down
She pulled my horse a straddle.
Then stood up underneath us both
And I was scramblin' from the saddle.

There were people takin' pictures
And such a sight they'd never seen.
With a horse on the bottom and me on the top.
And another one in between.

He finally up and sold her
Just to keep from getting hurt,
Cuz every time you rode her
With death you seemed to flirt.

Bur the moral of this story
That I know you'll say is fact.
There's too many good ones in the world
To mess with a horse like that.

Some horses were mean to be ridden
And other ones just throw fits
But I think was Nibbles was meant for-
Was to be part of Kibbles 'n Bits!

The Hat

A cowboy hat is special
TO the folks who wear this crown.
They feel like they're kings with the looks that it brings
From kids when they go into town.

But a hat is more than a costume.
It serves a purpose as well.
To keep the sun out of eyes, to shoo away flies
And for sackin' out colds in works swell.

I've seen it used as a bucket
For givin' horses a drink.
And for a pillow at night when you turn out the lights
It's more useful than you might think.

When the clouds bust loose and it's rainin'.
And you're wishin' that you were in bed.
It's a sure bet that your face won't get wet
With that hat that sits on your head.

Each hat is unique to a cowboy.
From the brim to the crease in the crown.
But you'd better beware and take lots of care
In the way that you set the thing down.

And the shape says a lot bout the cowboy.
Each adds his personal style.
With the brim pulled down low and the crown creased just so,
You can tell who it is for a mile

And according to cowboy etiquette.
Another man's hat do not touch.
For a cowboy you see can get pretty teed
If you mess with the thing very much.

A cowboy I knew was out ridin'
Along an old river bed.
In some quicksand he fell without even a yell
And he went in it up over his head.

They found him the very nest morning.
His Resistol markin' the spot.
And they were sorry to see that there no longer would be
This cowboys whom they loved a lot.

Well they wanted to pull from that quagmire
Something to remember him by.
Why his hat they would save to hang on his grave
They said with a tear in their eye.

When from out of that mud boomed a warming.
That shocked each on where he sat.
"How I'll get out of this mess is anyone's guess.
But don't you dare touch my hat!

Just To Be Cowboy

I think about when I was young
The games we used to play.
We'd go out in the backyard
And pass the time away.

We'd play like we were wanted men.
The James and Dalton gang.
And hide down on the ditch bank,
So none of us would hang.

We'd also be a posse.
And every car that came our way
Was full of thieves and rustlers
And we had to make 'em pay.

With toy cap guns blanzin'.
We'd round up all the men.
Have a shoot out with the outlaws
Yea, I remember when.

We'd pretend that we were good guys
Just like Roy and Dale.
We'd save the heroine in distress
And ride down happy trails.

Then we'd go and catch the milk cows calf
And try to make him buck.
Pretend that we were Freckles Brown,
About to try our luck.

We'd imagine we were ranchers
And we'd own the biggest spread.
And gather cows on horses
With broomsticks for a head.

We've all grown up, those days are gone.
We've seen so many changes.
Each one of us has up and left
And now ride on different ranges.

But those childhood games are not forgot.
No need to make a fuss.
'Cuz just to be a cowboy
Takes some kid in each of us.

Working Women

The economic pressures of the world
Are great today,
So women joined the work force
To earn some extra pay.

Now some complain about their duties
And their executive stress.
About the meetings they attend.
And that they're always in a dress.

They claim their lot in life is hard.
Their work is never done.
For when their office closes up,
They say they're work has just begun.

They clean the house and wash the clothes
And send out for some burgers.
'Cuz they're too tired to cook tonight
And their hair's all up in curlers.

Now, the rancher's wife, she stays at home.
And seldom ever gripes.
Though her house may not be fancy,
And there's always frozen pipes.

Each morning starts with breakfast.
There's men who want to eat.
So she's up each day at four o'clock,
The first one on her feet.

She stumbles to the kitchen
Where there's calves upon the floor,
Still warming up and thawing,
Being born the night before.

Then she goes down to the sick pen
And feeds the leppie calf,
Then it's off to town to get the parts
The baler needs to have.

She gets the parts and hurries home,
She has to do the feedin'.
'Cuz today's the hired man's day off,
And her husband's at some meetin'.

She does the chores and fixes fenc,
That top wire sure was saggin'.
And when there's hayin' to be done,
She drives the bale wagon.

When branding time comes each year,
She sure does help a bunch.
She fills the needles, marks the ear,
And finds time to fix us lunch.

She rides the range and checks the cows,
And does some irrigating.
And when the kids come home from school
Their mother's there awaitin'.

She does a good job with the kid's
Of that there is no doubt.
For raising a good family
Is what it's all about.

So, now all you workin' women,
Your duties do not shirk,
'Cuz you could be a rancher's wife,
And not have to go to work!

No Buckaroos

I used to think a little boy
Was for all a man could hope.
A little tyke to bear his name
Who'd learn to ride and rope.

But God has proved me wrong again
Cuase all I got were girls.
There's four of them with great big eyes
And hair that's full of curls.

Now having girls ain't all that bad.
At least that's what I found.
Course when you've got a housefull
Your ideas get changed around.

But girls can teach you lots of things
hat boys just don't know how.
Like patience, when the bathrooms full
And you've got to go right now.

And how can you get angry,
And try to discipline.
When you look into those big sad eyes
And they look up and grin.

Oh girls can drive you crazy
Till you can't hardly think.
Then all they do to make things right
Is look at you and wink.

Each one of mine has taught me things.
Each holds a special place.
That I don't think no little boy
Could possibly replace.

Now I may not have no buckaroos.
I owe that to my Maker.
But what I've got is better yet,
They're "Buckaroo Heartbreakers!"

The Hunt

My wife and I have hobbies
They're as different as can be.
But we do enjoy hunting
On that we both agree.

I like to be with nature
And to leave the ol' rat race.
And it's not getting what your after
It's the thrill of givin' chase.

I hunt for elk and deer and mosse.
A trophy rack to find.
But the racks that my wife hunts for
Are the so called "sales" kind.

She'll venture out in weather
That would keep most men indoors.
Just to go and hunt for bargains
At the nearest Mervyns store.

And she'll wander round the jungle
Of the downtown city mall.
Just to try and make a killin'
On the clothes she's bought for call.

Then she'll drive around for hours
Hittin' all her huntin' spots.
Just stockin' that elusive deal
That she's sure will save her lots.

Sometimes she'll take her buddies
And go hunt exotic game.
Like Calvin Klein or Gucci,
She won't bag no cheap brand name.

One day I argued long and hard
About her hunting trips.
I said, "Our checkbook is a mess"
And showed her our bankslips.

I asked her please to stop her hunts.
And the reasons just kept flowin'
But then she said to me like I'ved said to her,
"It's not in the gettin' it's the goin'!"

Just One Of Those Days

Have you ever had that kind of day
When nothing quite went right?
When no matter what you try to say,
Your foot you seem to bite?

When your day got started late,
'Cuz the alarm forgot to ring.
And you went outside to feed the cows
And you couldn't find a thing.

So you tried to catch your horse
And he gives you the run around.
And when you start to cinch him up
The danged ol' cuss lays down.

You try to put the bridle on,
And he won't take the bit.
And when you step up on him
He throws a buckin' fit.

When you finally find your cows
And you get 'em headed home,
A truck goes racin' through the middle
And they scatter and start to roam.

Well, you finally get 'em home
And what should you find there?
But that brand new Limosiner bull
With all four feet stuck in the air.

And that danged ol' heeler pup
that was gentle as could be,
Has got the Avon lady cornered.
And the mailman's climbed a tree!

So you got to get to town,
Cuz you've got to see your lawyers.
So you jump into your pickup truck,
And it's got four flat tires.

So you take off down the road
In your honey's brand new jeep.
And you go around a corner
And you hit a flock of sheep!

And the IRS just called,
Said they want to audit you.
And your banker left a message
Said, "your note was way past due".

And when you finally find the time
To open up your mail,
Your daughter starts to singin'
"The farmer in the jail".

Then you get to think'
This has got to be a dream,
'Cuz all these things that happened,
They just can't be what they seem.

Then your wife, she starts to shake you.
You wake up and start to curse,
'Cuz you realize that in real life
Most days are even worse!

EPD'S

Now those of you that's bought a bull
Will no doubt agree with me
That the new fangled ways of pickin' bulls
Ain't what they used to be.

Now you need a geneticist
To help you do things right
Cause pickin' out a bull nowdays
Requires more than sight.

You have to know the dam and sire
And check out their pedegrees.
And then you have to reckon
With those things called EPDs.

Expected Progeny Differences
Are what those initials mean.
They help a rancher pick a bull
Without his calves being seen.

They deal with things like calving ease
And birth and weaning weights.
Not to mention scrotal size
And those maternal traits.

All these things together
Seem to help a racher know
Just what his calves will look like
And which bulls will have to go.

But one day I got to thinkin'
If they used such things on men;
And compiled all our data
And then put us in a pen.

I wonder just what changes
We'd have seen throughout the years.
And which ones of us would still be bulls
And which ones would just be steers.

Global Warming

They claim this golabl warming
Is a danger to us all.
They say the planets heatin' up
And no snow will ever fall.

They say it'll be a desert
Where nothings going to grow
There'll be no plants to hold the soil
And dust will start to blow.

Now some say it's caused by hair spray
Destroying the ozone layer.
Others say it's El Nino
And we haven't got a prayer.

Stil others say it's the cars we drive
And the fumes that they emit.
While others say it's factories
Burning without a permit.

But according to the Government
In a bill that they just passed
They claim the culprit is our cows
They're emitting methane gas.

They've allotted 19 million
To prove that it is true.
Some cimmittee's going to study
Their feed after its passed through.

They'll examine, watch, and analyze
The waste our cows produce.
It's another prime example
Of our taxes put to use.

But I think I've got the answer
And I know that you'll agree
That the cause of Global warming is
Hot air from Washington D.C.